ANALOG MEDIUM JULY 2007

ANALOG MEDIUM JULY 2007

Encyclopedia Zombica v2.2
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Death By Link - July 2007 Part I
Death By Link - July 2007 Part II
Death By Link - July 2007 Part III
Marijuana Leads to Vampirism

Afro Samurai (2007)
Fido (2007)
Highlander: The Search for Vengeance (2007)
Street Zombies (1993)
Heathers (1989)
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (1984)
Mazes and Monsters (1982)
The 36th Chamber of Shaolin aka Master Killer aka Shaolin Master Killer (1978)
The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires (1974)
Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things (1972)
Terror Creatures From The Grave (1965)
The Ghost Breakers (1940)

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Death By Link - July 2007 Part III

DEATH BY VIDEO: Check out these two videos that we're getting paid to show - Smith and Chin Show and the Bom Chicka Wah Wahs.

- A dentist implanted wild boar teeth into one of his employees. He took them out, but still... That's less a prank than some Doctor Moreau type stuff.

- Wisconsin has no laws against necrophilia. That's why three guys got away with digging up a woman's corpse for sex after seeing her picture in the obituaries.

- A North Carolina family has been drinking sewage out of their tap for six months. Apparently the department of public works screwed up.

META: I'm sharing all the new articles from Analog Medium affiliated blogs. Check out BigKilla's Shared Items and the associated RSS Feed to stay on top of everything that the Droogs are up to.

Mazes and Monsters (1982) Review

Dungeons and Dragons - I mean - Mazes and Monsters is a doozy of a picture. I've seen a lot of Tom Hanks' old movies, and I've seen a lot of stinkers. He had to pay his dues to earn them Osacrs. Mazes and Monsters out did them all. It was so terrible it was hillariously entertaining. I kid you not, Mazes and Monsters is a cautionary tale about the dangers of playing Dungeons and Dragons. The whole thing plays out like an after school special designed to keep kids off role playing games. Tom Hanks plays a kid in college tortured by his troubled past. His brother ran away and never came back so Hanks burried his feeling in his M & M character named Bardeaux. When the pain got to be too much he would slip into Bardeaux's personality, abandoning the real Tom Hanks. Be warned children, role playing games can lead to multiple personalities.

The story starts with Hanks as a freshman in college. He's a recovering M & M addict, trying to concentrate on his classes, but he inevitably hooks up with a hardcore Level 9 Mazes and Monsters crew. They go from playing tons of alcohol-free nights of the game to LARPing in a nearby cavern. I'm willing to bet that this is was the first cinematic depiction of Live Action Role Playing. Even back then the dangers of LARPing were obvious. It turns freaky kids even more freaky.



Everything about this movie was terrible, right down to the quality of the DVD transfer. Which made it oh-so delicious to watch. Anyone who grew up playing Dungeons and Dragons could tell you that the game helps teach kids problem solving skills and how to think about the world creatively. It doesn't make you go schizo and try to jump off the World Trade Center, like Tom Hanks tries to do. It was really weird seeing a young Hanks crying his eyes out at the top of Tower One. The creepiness pervades the film and there is nothing intentionally funny about it. The fact that the movie takes itself so seriously is friggin hillarious. I won't even tell you how it ends. It's too good to spoil.

The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires (1974) Review

With a name like “The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires” you know you're in for a fun ride. This movie screams entertainment. Vampires, Van Helsing, Kung Fu, and even zombies grace the screen throughout this kinetic kill fest. How can so much awesomeness be contained within a single movie, you say? Easy! Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires has a kick-ass back story that doesn't waste too much time and throws the viewer into this unique period piece. It starts with Kah, an evil Taoist priest that comes to Transylvania to ask Dracula for help raising the 7 Golden Vampires, blood-suckers native to China. Dracula goes shit house crazy, takes over Kah's body, and travels to China to do it himself. Flash forward to Dr. Van Helsing (played by the infamous Peter Cushing) on his visit to China to research the legend of the very same 7 vampires. He hooks up with seven Chinese brothers (and one smoking hot sister) who are all masters of the martial arts. I don't even need to tell you the rest. Needless to say there is a ton of epic ass kicking.



This unique romp through uncharted cross-genre territory was a combined effort by two of my favorite studios of all time, Hammer Horror and Shaw Brothers. Hammer was responsible for a slew of excellent low-budget horror flicks in Britain, including Plague of the Zombies, a great zombie movie that I gave a great review. Shaw Brothers is a legendary, even mythical, Hong Kong studio that made all of everyone's favorite kung-fu flicks, including 36th Chamber of Shaolin (a recent review). It's obvious from this film that there was a communication gap to some degree between the two sides involved, but that artistic tension translates to a completely unique viewing experience. Some of the dialogue scenes are clunky and awkward, but it's so friggin cool to see low budget horror archetypes alongside low budget kung-fu archetypes. East meets West, baby.



There's a lot to love about Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires. For one, there is a massive amount of Chinese titties flashed on the screen. Super hot. Aside from that, this movie is packed with all the best parts of each genre. There are some kick ass vampire related deaths, such as impaled vampire bitches and burning vampire corpses. Then they raise the army of the dead and shit gets crazy. There's a massive force of zombie soldiers that the vampires command. The depiction of the walking dead in this film is on par with all the great low-budget foreign zombie flicks, even though they're not the center of attention in this movie. Finally, there are amazing fight scenes with break neck choreography. Watching the opening credits I was glad to see a lot of Chinese names listed. The kung fu sequences were very Hong-Kong-esque, including some grandiose scenes of large groups battling each other. Definitely check this one out, especially since no one seems to have heard of this killer concoction.

Afro Samurai (2007) Review

Reviewed by Jaime from Blogs are For Wusses



I recently picked up the “Afro Samurai” DVD. This was after I had rented it at the local video store, but the copy of it was so badly mangled that my XBOX 360 could not handle it, and the console’s DVD playback is not all that finicky, so it can usually play DVD’s that have been used and abused. But, what we had seen in the first few minutes of the title were so compelling that we decided to plunk down the cash to actually own it.

So, after the five episodes, my impressions are still ripe with awe and wonderment. I’m not saying this is the best piece of anime out there. But it is ranked amongst my personal top ten. And maybe it’s because it’s not all that Japanese. Sure, the style is, but the storytelling is very Western-ish. And it doesn’t hurt that they got an all-star voice cast for this. You’ve got Samuel L. Jackson playing the titular character (and his weird imaginary companion), Ron Perlman (Hellboy) as the main bad guy and Kelly Hu (Kelly who? She was in the X2: X-Men United movie . . . Lady Deathstrike) also lending her vocal talents.



So, enough about the details, right? Let’s get to the story (I’ll try to keep it spoiler-free). “Afro Samurai” tells the story of a boy who sees his father, the number one warrior, killed by the number two warrior in all the land. This sparks his quest to avenge his father and take his rightful place as the number one warrior. But first, he has to find the number two head-band, or else he can’t challenge his father’s murderer. The story shows us some flashbacks to Afro’s childhood, where he is taken in by a sword master and his clan of children and treated like another member of their impromptu family. Throughout these formative years, we see Afro develop his swordsmanship skills and his search for the mystical head-band that was taken from him shortly after seeing his father’s demise. We also get present time sequences where Afro is on the search for the number one, wasting pretty much anyone who he comes in contact with. His path of destruction is almost cataclysmic in magnitude. The action scenes are top notch by the way. The animation is so fluid and dynamic that it just grabs you by the balls and takes you on one hell of a ride.

Another cool thing about this anime is that even though you’ve got samurais, ninjas and geishas, there are also computers, cell phones and androids mixed in to the atmosphere. This leads me to believe that the setting for this story is on some parallel dimension or alternate universe where these two extremes co-exist. It makes for a very cool contrast and adds flavor to the battle sequences. Especially towards the end, when Afro has to battle an old foe from the past that is now part cyborg, complete with Darth Vader-ish breathing problems, but instead of a black-phallic shaped helmet, he’s wearing a giant teddy-bear head.

The music by Rza is also to be noticed. I’m not all that into the Wu-Tang Clan (gasp! I know, blasphemy), but I like what he’s done with the scoring and also bringing in other rappers in the mix to add another layer of coolness to this project.

An interesting tidbit here as well, letting you know how good this anime title is. My wife absolutely can’t stand anime. She hates it. But, she sat through this and actually enjoyed it. She actually prompted me to buy it when we were browsing through the DVD shelves of our local megalo-shopping-center. So, if it has her endorsement, then it should also appeal to non-anime fans. Actually, this title should appeal anyone who is thirsting for some extreme kick-ass-ery. Not just fans of anime, or fans of Sam Jackson, or fans of action flicks. This is a solid recommended title for anyone that enjoys quality film-making.



Jaime is one of Analog Medium's oldest readers and a good friend. Go check out his blog, Blogs Are For Wusses. And if you're so inclined, check out the Afro Samurai review on BAFW

Encyclopedia Zombica v2.2

Analog Medium is reviewing every zombie movie ever made. Each review comes with a 2-sentence review, a full page review with screen-shots, and a super-scientific Universal Zombie Movie Rating System (UZMRS). Rather than rating each movie 1-10 with ten being the best and 1 being the worst, we've devised a points system that awards the movie points based on our super-scientific criteria. We're up to 82 reviews here on version 2.2, and it feels so good. Once we get to 100 we'll have a party.

- 28 Days Later (2002) - A disease called Rage is released upon the general public in England and the few survivors left alive are no better off. I'll applaud the effort to bring a zombie epic to life in the modern age, but this one missed the boat. - 6/10 [SSK]

- 28 Weeks Later (2007) - England is in the process of being repopulated 28 weeks after the Rage virus devastated the island. I was bored by 28 Days Later, but 28 Weeks Later was much, much worse. - 5/10 [SSK] (Also see the review by Asmodeus)

- Alien Dead (1980) - A comet that crash landed in a backwater swamp created a race of zombies that the hick locals go to hunt thinking that they're alligators. Fans of shitty zombie films wont even enjoy this stinker. - 0/10 [SSK]

- All Souls Day (2005) - A couple of teens stop for the night in a backwater Mexican village where the dead come back to life on the anniversary of a tragic event. If All Souls Day wasn't made by retards it could have been genuinely entertaining. - 3/10 [SSK]

- Army of Darkness (1993) - Ash, the hero of the Evil Dead movies, is transported back in time to the Dark Ages where he must once again do battle with undead creatures raised by the Book of the Dead. Hilarious and extreme, it is a fitting third chapter to Sam Raimi's Evil Dead trilogy and boasts a plethora of iconic dialogue and imagery. - 9/10 [SSK]

- The Astro-Zombies (1968) - Mexican spies and CIA agents alike are on the trail of a mad scientist who has perfected a method of constructing artificial humanoid zombies controlled by remote brain waves transmitted by radio frequency. The Astro-Zombies is everything a B-movie should be, and I loved it for exactly that reason. - 7/10 [SSK]

- The Beyond (1981) - A woman inherits a run-down hotel in New Orleans that just happens to be built on one of the seven gateways to Hell. I love the treatment of zombies and some of the scenes of gore in The Beyond are ingrained in memory, which more than make up for the slow scenes. - 7/10 [SSK]

- Beyond Re-Animator (2003) - The third installment of the Re-Animator trilogy in which Herbert West, the Re-Animator, is serving a prison sentence and gets another chance to continue with his ghoulish experiments using his fellow inmates as guinea pigs. The Re-Animator trilogy has two great movies, and this is definitely not one of them. - 5/10 [SSK]

- Bio Zombie (1998) - Hong Kong's answer to Dawn of the Dead. The best part is when one of the main characters starts crying about his dead friend and his dead friend breaks through a window and eats the baby. - ?/10 [MR]

- Bone Sickness (2004) - A woman tries to cure her husband’s spinal disease by feeding him pieces of corpses, resulting in zombiism (of course). A sixth grader with a bottle of fake blood could make a better movie than Bone Sickness. - 1/10 [SSK]

- The Boneyard (1991) - A psychic investigator and some other memorable characters get trapped in a morgue when it turns out that some of the bodies aren't actually dead. The originality and unflinching dedication to genre filmmaking make Boneyard a must for zombie fans. - 8/10 [SSK]

- The Bowery at Midnight (1942) - Bela Lugosi stars as a unique villain, a university professor who leads a triple life, running a soup kitchen in the Bowery and recruiting transients as disposable ratchet men to pull bank heists. A gem when compared to Lugosi's work late in his career, this low budget masterpiece is a truly original mix of crime noir and zombie flick. - 4/10 [SSK]

- Bride of Re-Animator (1990) - This sequel to The Re-Animator features the same lead characters, Dr. Cain and Dr. West (The Re-Animator), after med school as they continue their experiments on the dead which ultimately lead to the construction of a Frankenstein-esque creation cobbled together from pieces of women cadavers. One of the best sequels of the entire horror genre, Bride of Re-Animator has excellent visual effects and keeps the spirit of the original film completely in tact. - 10/10 [SSK]

- Burial Ground aka The Nights of Terror (1981) - A group of poorly dubbed Italian socialites settle in to their private villa for a vacation only to find that their friend, the professor, has unleashed a horde of zombies from the Etruscan ruins located below the property. Although the gore and make-up effects are heroic for a low-budget foreign affair, the zombies are unbelievable at best and the plot meanders to the point of stupidity. - 5/10 [SSK]

- Cemetery Man aka. Dellamorte Dellamore (1994) - A small graveyard in Italy has a problem with the corpses rising from the graves shortly after they're buried. This is one of the freshest takes on the zombie genre that we've seen. - 10/10 [MR]

- Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things (1972) - A theatre troop, led by an eccentric psycho, attempts to raise the dead in an island cemetery through the use of black magic. I enjoyed the characters, the setting, the zombies, and pretty much everything about Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things. - 7/10 [SSK]

- City of the Living Dead (1980) - The gates of hell will open on All Saint's Day if a psychic and a reporter from New York can't stop an undead priest in time. My personal favorite from zombie-maestro Lucio Fulci, City of the Living Dead doesn't disappoint in any aspect of the film, gore or otherwise. - 7/10 [SSK]

- Creepshow (1982) - George Romero directed and Stephen King wrote this collection of five short horror stories based on an old series of EC comics, also called Creepshow. The entire movie is a powerhouse and offers some great zombie scenes in two of the stories: Father's Day and Something To Tide You Over. - 10/10 [SSK]

- Dawn of the Dead (1978) - The first official sequel to Romero's Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead starts in the midst of widespread zombie infestation as a group of survivors hold up inside a shopping mall using it as a fortress, but it eventually becomes their prison. Perhaps the greatest zombie movie ever made, Dawn of the Dead set the standard for independent horror/gore and has yet to be matched. - 10/10 [SSK]

- Dawn of the Dead (2004) - In the midst of widespread zombie infestation a group of survivors holds up in a shopping mall but eventually becomes restless and attempts escape by driving armored shuttle buses to the nearest dock. This high profile remake lacks all of the heart and soul of the original low-budget masterpiece, reducing the plot to a series of action film cliches. - 6/10 [SSK]

- Day of the Dead (1985) - The third installment of George A. Romero's zombie chronicles, Day of the Dead depicts an encampment of soldiers and scientists who are on the verge of civil war regarding the best way to deal with their current predicament. Although many hold the opposite opinion, and despite impressive make-up effects, I see this as the weakest of Romero's zombie films. - 5/10 [SSK]

- Dead Alive a.k.a. Braindead (1992) - One of Peter Jackson's earliest films, Dead Alive features indestructible zombies, a Sumatran rat monkey, and a creepy dude that keeps all the zombies alive in his basement. This is maybe the goriest zombie movie I've ever seen and it features one of the best anti-zombie weapons ever, the lawnmower. - 9/10 [BK]

- The Dead Hate the Living! (2000) - A film crew making a zombie movie stumble upon a real life zombie factory in The Dead Hate the Living! This movie scores some points for being steeped in zombie trivia, but loses points for everything else it attempts. - 3/10 [SSK]

- Dead Heat (1998) - Treat Williams plays a cop who dies and is revived as a zombie by his partner, aptly played by Joe Piscopo. Dead Heat has everything you want in a B movie and nothing you don't want. - 8/10 [SSK]

- Demons a.k.a. Demoni (1985) - Produced by legendary Dario Argento, Demons follows a group of people watching a zombie flick in a theater when the demonic zombies come to life in the theater around them. Any of fan of the genre who hasn't seen this one needs to get on it. - 9/10 [SSK]

- Demons 2 a.k.a. Demoni 2 (1986) - The producer/director team from the first film return to bring you the same style of Demons, this time coming to life in an apartment building through the television set. Almost as good as the original, it had me all the way until the disappointing ending. - 6/10 [SSK]

- Diary of the Dead (2008) - Slated for 2007 or 2008, Diary of the Dead will mark the fifth chapter in George A. Romero's zombie chronicles and will feature a group of film students making a mummy movie who inevitably get attacked by the first wave of Romero-zombies. It sounds like Romero came up with a winner this time, going back to his indy movie nature and making some impressive stylistic choices. - ?/10 [SSK]

- Doom (2005) - A roughneck group of Marines is sent to investigate a crisis on a Martian research facility where they find an experimental biological serum is turning people into zombies, and then monsters. Doom does a great job of staying true to the spirit of the game and has excellent horror-inspired action. - 8/10 [SSK]

- The Evil Dead (1981) - A group of kids drive into the middle of nowhere for a secluded get away at an old cabin where they stumble across the Book of the Dead and unwittingly unleash a series of demonic zombies. Sam Raimi's first feature ever, The Evil Dead is a tour de force of low-budget film making and remains a monumental addition to the horror genre. - 9/10 [SSK]

- Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn (1987) - The slightly-higher budgeted sequel to Sam Raimi's The Evil Dead, The Evil Dead 2 starts with the reluctant hero from the first film, Ash, as he continues to combat the undead brought back by the Book of the Dead which have a new cast of victims to terrorize. This movie is groovy as fuck. - 10/10 [SSK]

- Fido (2007) - In the 1950s, on an alternate timeline, society has been completely re-ordered due to widespread zombie infestation. Fido was definitely an exceptional modern zombie flick, but there were a lot of missed opportunities in the plot and filmmaking. - 7/10 [SSK]

- The Film Theory Zombie by The Silver Screen Kid (2006) - The first (of hopefully many) zombie films by Analog Medium's very own Silver Screen Kid. The film is short, but it's treatment of Night of the Living Dead-style zombies and zombie movie cliches is hilarious. - x/10 [MR]

- The Ghost Galleon (1974) - The third of Amando de Ossorio's four-part Blind Dead series, The Ghost Galleon this time places the undead Templar Knights on a ghostly Spanish galleon. This movie was so bad I couldn't force myself to stay awake, no matter how hard I tried. - 2/10 [SSK]

- The Ghostbreakers (1940) - Bob Hope plays a character strikingly similar to his own personality who gets comically entangled with a girl who is going to her family's mansion on some scary voodoo island. There's about five minutes in The Ghostbreakers that feature a single zombie, which was definitely not worth watching this piece of crap to see. - 0/10 [SSK]

- Hard Rock Zombies (1985) - A van full of glam rockers show up in a backwater town that harbors a family of Nazis and monsters who kill the band members, only to have them come back as zombies bent on performing one last show. Hard Rock Zombies is so awful it's not even funny. - 2/10 [SSK]

- Heavy Metal (1981) - Based on the magazine of the same name, Heavy Metal is an animated anthology of sci-fi vignettes that includes "B-17", a story about a WWII bomber pilot attacked by the zombified corpses of his bomber crew. The gore artwork and zombie drawings are amazing and the whole thing has a truly horrific feel. - 9/10 [SSK]

- The House by the Cemetery (1981) - A scientist takes over a colleague's research and relocates his family to a creepy old house with a zombie living in the basement. Bland and predictable, The House by the Cemetery is a rare low in Italian-horror-auteur Lucio Fulci's career. - 5/10 [SSK]

- House of the Dead (2003) - Based on the first person shooter arcade, House of the Dead pits an island of zombies against a group of unsuspecting raver kids. The inept director, Uwe Boll, ensured that this film would be incredibly sloppy and frustrating to watch. - 2/10 [SSK]

- House of the Dead 2: Dead Aim (2006) - House of the Dead 2, a Sci-fi Channel original movie, follows two special agents as they infiltrate a college campus that has been overrun by zombies. Even though it was better than the original, this movie sucked so bad it wasn’t entertaining for a second. - 1/10 [SSK]

- I Drink Your Blood (1970) - A group of Satan worshipping hippies get infected with rabies and wreak havoc on a small backwater berg. Someone claimed there were zombies in this movie, but not only are there not zombies, I barely qualify this as a movie. - 3/10 [SSK]

- I Walked With A Zombie (1943) - A young nurse takes over care of a zombified woman living in Haiti where the natives conduct mysterious ceremonies and hand out voodoo curses. The zombie scenes are few and far between as I Walked With A Zombie gets watered down with an overly dramatized love story and blatant racism. - 4/10 [SSK]

- I Was A Zombie For The F.B .I. (1982) - Two FBI agents are investigating strange occurrences at a popular cola bottling company that involve aliens, zombies, escaped convicts, and ZBeast. Made by students at Memphis University film school, I Was A Zombie For The FBI is a text book example of what not to do while making a movie. - 2/10 [SSK]

- The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies (1964) - A gypsy psychic lady at a carnival hypnotizes a kid into being a zombie hit man. TISCWSLABMUZ was terrible, confusing, and downright unintelligible at every turn. - 0/10 [SSK]

- King of the Zombies (1941) - After crash landing on a mystery-voodoo island a WASPy guy, an Irish, and Mantan Moreland get involved in a comedic series of events involving zombies, a castle, and a Nazi operative. King of the Zombies is important to the development of the genre, but it was inexcusably racist and demeaning to everyone involved. - 5/10 [SSK]

- Land of the Dead (2005) - The fourth chapter of George A Romero's zombie chronicles, Land of the Dead shows the break down of an enclosed society that consists of military, civilians, and the social elitists living in the ruins of a former metropolitan. This movie had some major flaws but was still a lot more entertaining than its predecessor, Day of the Dead. - 4/10 [SSK]

- The Last Man On Earth (1964) - Based on the book I Am Legend, Vincent Price stars as a lonely survivor in a world filled with zombie-like ghouls which he hunts during the day time. Perhaps the first modern zombie film, there is a lot to love about this movie, including the fact that it inspired George Romero to make Night of the Living Dead. - 7/10 [SSK]

- Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (1974) - An unlikely couple is traveling through the English countryside when an experimental pest control technology raises the dead from their graves. Let Sleeping Corpses Lie is unlike any other zombie film and is brilliantly, amazingly awesome. - 9/10 [SSK]

- Night of the Comet (1984) - Radiation from a comet kills most of the Earth's population and turns the rest into zombies, leaving the few survivors to fend for themselves. This is a genius example of low budget film making and a must for fans - 8/10 [SSK]

- Night of the Living Dead (1968) - A small group of people barricade themselves into a remote farmhouse as they struggle to understand and combat the hordes of animated corpses that have suddenly overtaken the area. This movie is great and extremely influential, but it's so hard to watch (due to writing, acting, and budget) that it is far from my favorite zombie flick. - 7/10 [SSK]

- Night of the Living Dead (1990) - A small group of people barricade themselves into a remote farmhouse as they struggle to understand and combat the hordes of animated corpses that have suddenly overtaken the area. Probably the most legitimate remake of all time, this version has some major improvements on the original but failed to wow me with the zombie effects and seems to pander to the audience too much. - 5/10 [SSK]

- The Night of the Seagulls (1975) - The final chapter of Amando de Ossorio's four-part Blind Dead series, The Night of the Seagulls features the same undead Templar Knights, but now they are content to kill only 7 virgins from the local village each year. Even though the boob count increased from the previous Blind Dead blunder, I had to revert to MST3K mode just to survive this snoozer. - 0/10 [SSK]

- Nightmare City (1980) - A nuclear spill turns a plane full of people into zombies and they terrorize the local city. Despite the laughable production quality, I still got some enjoyment out of it (in a pathetic B-movie way). - 6/10 [SSK]

- The Omega Man (1971) - Charleton Heston is the last man on a post-apocalyptic Earth, pitted against vicious mutant zombies who will stop at nothing to destroy him. This is one of Heston's finest performances, and I'd like to see a lot more post-apocalyptic settings for zombies. - 7/10 [BK]

- Pet Sematary (1989) - Stephen King wrote the script for this flick about an Indian burial ground that brings the dead back to life. I liked this movie as a kid, but now I find it cheesy and dated. - 6/10 [SSK]

- Pet Sematary 2 (1992) - The sequel continues in the same house as the first, right next to the Indian burial ground that brings the dead back to life. I personally enjoyed this one a lot more than the original. - 8/10 [SSK]

- The Plague of the Zombies (1966) - A stately British doctor visits a colleague in the English countryside to help investigate a series of mysterious deaths and finds zombiism to be the culprit. It was impressive and entertaining to see legendary horror film studio Hammer Films' treatment of the zombie genre, complete with top notch production values. - 9/10 [SSK]

- Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959) - A race of aliens brings the dead back to life in an attempt to take over Earth. Directed by the infamous Ed Wood, and touted as the worst movie ever, Plan 9 From Outer Space falls into the category of “so bad it’s good”. - 3/10 [SSK]

- Planet Terror (2007) - The first half of the Grindhouse double feature, Planet Terror directed by Robert Rodriguez, depicts a renegade unit of soldiers who inadvertently release a zombie toxin on the unsuspecting public. From start to finish, Planet Terror is a tour-de-force of zombie filmmaking and a wonderful homage to B-movie greatness. - ?/10 [SSK]

- Re-Animator (1985) - Based on H.P. Lovecraft's short story, Re-Animator tells the story of Herbert West, a med student who enlists the help of a fellow student to conduct illegal tests involving a chemical re-agent that brings the dead back to life. This is truly one of the monumental greats of the zombie genre. - 10/10 [SSK]

- Redneck Zombies (1986) - A family of rednecks tries to use a barrel of nuclear waste as a still to make moonshine and ends up turning all the local hillbillies into ravenous zombies. Redneck Zombies, a Troma Studio release, is entertaining despite its abysmal film making. - 5/10 [SSK]

- Resident Evil (2002) - Based on the popular video game, Resident Evil tells the tale of a zombie outbreak resulting from a renegade AI program that releases test subjects from an Umbrella Corporation facility. I loved the game, and this adaptation had the potential to be excellent, but it was quite the opposite. - 2/10 [SSK]

- Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004) - Resident Evil: Apocalypse picks up right after the first movie, but Umbrella Corporation has quarantined now Raccoon City, along with everyone inside. All flash and no substance, I didn’t enjoy a single second of it. - 3/10 [SSK]

- Return of the Blind Dead aka Return of the Evil Dead (1973) - The second of Amando de Ossorio's four-part Blind Dead series, Return of the Evil Dead again depicts undead Templar Knights rising from their tombs, but this time they ride out to terrorize the local village and its inhabitants. In many ways an improvement on the first movie, this chapter of the series held my attention all the way until the very end, where it all fell apart. - 5/10 [SSK]

- Return of the Living Dead (1985) - This is one of the bastard children of Night of the Living Dead, complete with indestructible zombies and those great zombies that want "BRAAIIINNSSS." This is a horror-comedy, but it's version of zombies is truly scary, and the movie is enjoyable from beginning to end. - 10/10 [MR]

- Return of the Living Dead Part II (1988) - A young boy growing up in the suburbs witnesses the release of a new zombie epidemic when the neighborhood punks find a canned zombie and release the deadly chemical Trioxin into the local cemetery. An awesome horror-comedy and an appropriate sequel, Return of the Living Dead Part 2 is a must for zombie fans. - 8/10 [SSK]

- Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993) - When the son of an army officer crashes his motorcycle and kills his girlfriend he takes her to the top secret Trioxin testing facility his dad works for and brings her back from the dead. This movie abandoned the comedy associated with this series and opted for a half baked love story between two whiny punk ass kids who are definitely not worth wasting and hour-and-a-half watching. - 4/10 [SSK]

- Return of the Living Dead 4: Necropolis (2006) - Return of the Living Dead 4 follows a group of teens as they infiltrate an evil corporation to save their friend from becoming a Trioxin test subject. Generally pretty boring, this movie did have some kick ass zombie murders and was definitely an improvement on the third film. - 2/10 [SSK]

- Revolt of the Zombies (1936) - A group of French soldiers are sent to Cambodia to find and destroy an ancient zombie-creation ritual but one of the troops usurps the power for his own and raises an army of entranced zombies. Revolt of the Zombies falls tragically short of being either entertaining or memorable. - 3/10 [SSK]

- SARS WARS: Bangkok Zombie Crisis (2004) - In this Thai film, the SARS virus is causing zombiism and only two dudes with swords can save the day. This movie is a laugh riot that must be viewed after consuming large amounts of beer and hash. - 5/10 [BK]

- The Serpent and the Rainbow (1988) - A scientist is enlisted by a pharmaceutical company to go to Haiti and research a compound that is reputed to turn healthy living people into zombies. The Serpent and the Rainbow is chillingly accurate (it's based on the book of the same name that was based on real events) and features amazing hallucinogenic sequences and impressive visual effects. - 8/10 [SSK]

- Shaun of the Dead (2004) - Shaun, a full time loser, and his best bud Ed, an even bigger loser, get thrust into the driver seat of their lives when a zombie epidemic invades London and they are forced to take action to save themselves and their loved ones. One of my favorite zombie flicks and a fresh new comedic take on the genre, Shaun of the Dead is a heroic effort by its director/writer Edgar Wright and its star/writer Simon Pegg. - 10/10 [SSK]

- Street Zombies (1993) - A new drug called Ozone is turning street urchins and thugs into zombies. There's nothing good to be said about this horrible waste of time. - 2/10 [SSK]

- Teenage Zombies (1959) - A group of four teens discovers an uncharted island on which a mad doctor is manufacturing zombie toxin in hopes of raising an army. Teenage Zombies is officially one of the 50 worst movies EVER made. - 0/10 [SSK]

- Terror Creatures From The Grave (1965) - A lawyer shows up at a villa in the Italian countryside only to find that his client is a plague-spreading zombie (that is never actually shown on the screen). I appreciate that this is an early B zombie flick from Italy, but Terror Creatures From The Grave is mostly terrible. - 4/10 [SSK]

- Tombs of the Blind Dead (1971) - The first of Amando de Ossorio's four-part Blind Dead series, Tombs of the Blind Dead features undead Templar Knights rising from their tombs to kill an unsuspecting woman which prompts her husband to investigate. Despite low production value and a lack of plot, this movie delivers some memorable zombie attacks and impressive imagery. - 5/10 [SSK]

- Undead (2003) - Aliens invading Earth turn humans into zombies and generally wreak havoc. The pointless story wasn't helped by the terrible execution. - 2/10 [SSK]

- Versus (2000) - Versus features escaped convicts, gangsters, and zombies, all of whom know how to use weapons and like to wire-fight. Made by fan boys for fan boys, you have to have extremely low standards to get any enjoyment out of this stinker. - 1/10 [SSK]

- White Zombie (1932) - A young couple show up in Haiti with plans to be married, but their host employs a voodoo practitioner played by Bela Lugosi to put the would-be-bride under the curse of the zombie, putting her into a hypnotized dream state. The first true zombie film ever made, White Zombie is just as good, if not better, than the other classic Hollywood horror from the 1930s. - 8/10 [SSK]

- Zombi Holocaust (1980) - An island society of cannibals has been subjugated by a mad scientist who performs experiments in hopes of making the dead rise from the grave, and only a band of white people from New York can save them. It’s amazing how many aspects of bad film making are incorporated into Zombi Holocaust. - 3/10 [SSK]

- Zombi 2: The Dead Are Among Us AKA Zombie (1979) - Four people travel to a remote island where they find a scientist doing experiments on the walking dead that have recently begun to infest the island. Zombi 2, directed by Lucio Fulci, is probably my favorite Italian zombie movie, which makes it damn close my favorite zombie movie of all time. - 9/10 [SSK]

- Zombi 3 aka Zombie Flesh Eaters 2 (1987) - A chemical that causes zombie-ism is stolen from a top secret test site and inadvertently released on an island, prompting the local military to kill everyone and everything in the area. Zombi 3 is entertaining but lacks the style and focus of its predecessor, probably because direction was abandoned by Lucio Fulci and taken over by Bruno Mattei. - 5/10 [SSK]

- Zombie 4: After Death (1988) - This unlicensed Zombi sequel features a band of mercenaries that gets ambushed by voodoo zombies. This is by far the worst of the series. - 2/10 [SSK]


[Version 2.2 Updates]
- Added: 28 Weeks Later, All Souls Day, The Boneyard, Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things, Dead Heat, Fido, The Ghostbreakers, The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies, King of the Zombies, Let Sleeping Corpses Lie, Street Zombies, Terror Creatures from Beyond the Grave.
- Updated introduction
- Removed more links to the complete point breakdown. They can still be found in the comments section of each review.

Death By Link - July 2007 Part II

DEATH BY VIDEO: Zombie Kid says: "I Like Turtles"

VIDEO: Check out these prisoners from the Philippines reenacting "Thriller." There's over 1500 dudes doing it. Also watch for the dude dressed up as MJ's girlfriend from the video. I assume they raped "her" after the performance. (via Boing Boing)

UPDATE: Captain America agrees to apologize. He's also receiving court-appointed therapy for depression caused by the publicity.

- Fly lays eggs in man's head. Wife says 'I will love you through your maggots.'

- Capitol Hill home invasion is prevented with glasses of wine and group hugs.

- Go help contribute to the Analog Medium Sourcebook. Add an entry and a link to your page, fashion yourself into a god-like entity, write some erroneous babbling. If you're into that sort of thing.

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (1984) Review

Review by Silver Screen Kid



I don’t feel like I’m qualified enough to critique this movie. I think I’d rather just praise it. I wouldn’t change a single second of it, even if I had the chance. The themes, the characters, the imagery, the story, the plot, and everything else are strokes of a paintbrush that form a masterpiece for the ages. The writer, Earl Mac Rauch, must have been struck by creative lightning to put something like this on paper (especially since the guy never did anything else with his career). There’s no simple way to describe it. The main character, Buckaroo Banzai (his given name) is a rock star, neurosurgeon, particle physicist, and a damn fine shot with a six shooter. He heads a loyal crew of scientists who help him to save the planet from sinister alien invaders from Planet 10 who traveled to Earth by way of the 8th dimension. Rock.



The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension was expertly directed by W.D. Richter, whose career as a screen writer is actually more notable than his career as a director. He wrote, or was involved in writing, the scripts for Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978), Dracula (1979 – considered one of the sexiest Dracula movies of all time), and Big Trouble in Little China (1986). It’s really a shame that he never came into his own as a director. When Buckaroo Banzai was first released in theatres it bombed so intensely that it bankrupted the studio that funded it. Friggin Hollywood only looks at numbers, and Richter didn’t return to the director’s chair until 1991. He hasn’t returned since.

I wish they had made a sequel to this back in the day. The movie ends with a title card that says to keep watching for Buckaroo’s next adventure in “Buckaroo Banzai vs. The World Crime League”. That shit would have been so hot. If they had gotten even a fraction of the original cast to return for the sequel it would have been instant gold. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai in the 8th Dimension features Peter Weller (RoboCop), John Lithgow, Jeff Goldblum, Christopher Lloyd, and Clancy Brown – a personal favorite of mine. Clancy Brown played the Kurgan in Highlander and the evil step dad in Pet Sematary 2. Of course, all the guys I listed are personal favorites of mine. It’s so great to see their dedication to B movie greatness in this 1980’s gem. If you haven’t seen this movie yet, I suggest you drop the mouse and run out and get it. Or at least move it to the top of your Netflix queue. You’ll thank me after the first five minutes.

The 36th Chamber of Shaolin aka Master Killer aka Shaolin Master Killer (1978) Review

“36 chamber of fear, huh, you lost it. Information leaking out your faucet.” – Method Man



How can a single movie be so awesome that one of the greatest hip-hop crews of all time, The Wu-Tang Clan, would name their debut album after it? For the answer to that question I suggest you watch this movie. Now. The 36th Chamber of Shaolin is widely considered the seminal work in Hong Kong kung-fu films. I would have to agree. It spawned two sequels (which also wound up as Wu-Tang album titles), launched Gordon Liu’s international career, and inspired a generation of artists, warriors, and monks. In short, it pwns all noobs.



The story is as universal as it is timeless. A school of righteous students is oppressed by a tyrannical general and his army of shock troopers (called tartars in the film). When the school becomes suspected of espionage the students and teachers alike are marked for death. Only one man, San Te (expertly played by Gordon Liu), escapes certain death. He vows to travel to Shaolin Temple, to learn the ancient techniques of Shaolin kung fu, and to return to free the people from their oppressive overlord. And he does just that. The entire second act of the story chronicles San Te’s training at the Shaolin Temple. He starts as a laughable miscreant unfit to eat with the rest of the students and quickly becomes the Temple’s star pupil. He masters the techniques of all 35 chambers, the training areas that are guided by monks who specialize in each of the disciplines. I especially enjoyed the “Head Chamber”, in which students must run through a gauntlet of heavy punching bags and head butt them out of the way. I won’t ruin the ending. I’ll simply say that he kicks much ass. And, in true Shaw Brothers fashion, it all ends up with a duel on a picturesque cliff side.



What separates this movie from its peers, and makes it more than just cheap entertainment, are the strong philosophical and political themes that run throughout. I wouldn’t go so far as to call the makers of the film socialists, but they certainly believed in empowering the general population to fight for themselves. Everything about the narrative stresses the need for self reliance, but it also highlights the necessity of learning from the masters. What really blows the competition away is the retelling of the legacy of the 36th chamber. The film is loosely based on the life of the historical figure San Te. When San Te completes his training he has the chance to become overseer of any of the 35 chambers. Instead, he chooses to create the 36th chamber. As master of the 36th chamber, he takes the art of kung fu out of the temple and makes it available for the common man to learn, a practice that persists to this day. Now that’s what I call giving power to the people. I’m sure Wu-Tang would agree.

Heathers (1989) Review

Teen angst is dangerous. In fact, it can kill. In a major way. Christian Slater, Winona Ryder and Shannen Doherty all knew it when they appeared in the notorious 1980s classic Heathers. In my experience, not many people have seen Heathers, but everyone has heard of it. Even if you don't recognize the name, I bet you've heard of that 80's movie with the guy from Gleaming the Cube who ends up killing a bunch of popular kids at his high school. That movie is Heathers.

Heathers has a huge rep, but I think it's somewhat oversold a lot of the time. Watching it, I was disappointed by the lack of constant murdering. There really weren't a lot. The first killing was pretty entertaining (they feed the girl a cup of Hull Cleaner and she collapses through a glass table) but it takes way too long to get there. Then once the angst fueled killing starts, it really doesn't keep the momentum up. Too much talk and not enough stabbing. It is savage when Winona Ryder shoots off Christian Slater's middle finger, though.



The best thing about Heathers is that it is a complete satire of the 80s teen angst movie. Winona Ryder even uses the phrase, "teen angst" in a scene. Each of the characters is so completely over exaggerated that it's obvious the film makers didn't take the genre seriously. The ignorant jocks and the vacant popular girls all come from sadistic capitalistic elite families, the type that produced the cocaine fueled corporate sharks that were so prevalent back then. Christian Slater plays the disenfranchised youth that is so punk rock, he even tries to blow up the whole school. Even with all the funny moments and some classic dialogue, I really wish there was more killing. In the end, I would have rather watched Better Off Dead.

Astonishing Analog Medium by NoSympathy

Astonishing Analog Medium by NoSympathy
(While you're at it, check out the AM Sourcebook entry for NoSympathy)

Death By Link - July 2007 Part I

This Death By Link is all AM links. Well, all AM links and one toilet joke. I'm not running out of material, just lots to say about AM. That, and I'm lazy. And I use too many commas.

- VIDEO: Check out the spoof-trailer Silver Screen Kid made for Die Hard, called Eat Shit and Die Hard

- We started a new Analog Medium wiki called the Analog Medium Sourcebook. Go get on it. Droogs, we need you to go build your profiles.

- Some of the AM team are working on a new horror/sci-fi discussion blog called Phantom Spaceman

- You might have seen it already, but now it's really taking off, Silver Screen Kid has a new blog

- Analog Medium made one of those Amazon shops. We get some residuals if you happen to buy anything. So next time you rush out to get a new zombie movie, check out the AM Amazon store first.

- If you thought the Pentagon's toilets were expensive, you should check out NASA's new toilet.

Highlander: The Search for Vengeance (2007) Review

I don't normally review anime, and I've never reviewed a Highlander film, but when I saw the two combined into one I knew it was perfect fodder for an Analog Medium review. Highlander: The Search For Vengeance is a beautiful example of what can happen when Western story-tellers and Eastern artists get together to make a film. The producers and writers for the film were from an American production company. Once they had decided to make their project a feature length Japan-style animation, they hired Yoshiaki Kawajiri and his crew of animators. Yoshiaki Kawajiri, in his past, has directed the Ninja Scroll: The Series, Metropolis (the feature), and my favorite short from the Animatrix, “World Record”.



This movie rocked hard-core. I was skeptical at first, but I was easily won over by the dynamic story and break neck action. The filmmakers did a wonderful job of keeping the Highlander spirit - the torturous reality of what it means to be immortal - alive in animated form. And, since we're talking anime here, you know there's some kick ass bloody battles in there. I loved the cyber punk setting of the story, too. It follows two immortals that have been battling each other across the centuries. They've ended up in the desiccated remains of New York in 2187. Our hero insights a revolution amongst the oppressed poor people living in the sewers as he does battle with the villainous immortal who controls the Romanesque center of the city. Super bad ass. All that and a wicked guitar solo by the bad guy give this movie the official Analog Medium thumbs-up.

Street Zombies (1993) Review

aka Ozone (1993)

I'm skeptical of any movie that has a title like this. There are so many crap movies that are (word) + zombie, or zombie + (word). I had good reason to be skeptical, too. Street Zombies sucked major ass. The Analog Medium staff is currently still arguing about whether or not it was actually made in 2002, like the DVD case claims. It's hard to believe that any movie made in the past 5 years could look so god awful. It's hard to believe, but not impossible.

Street Zombies basically looked like a high school drama class production. It was hard to believe while watching it that none of the actors involved ever stopped and thought it might be a bad career move to appear in the film. Especially the lead actor douche bag. The quintessential black male lead, in this case named James Black, wasn't even black enough to make his way onto the cover. They replaced the star of the film on the cover of the DVD with a male model that has more "urban" appeal.



And who could be responsible for such an obvious money laundering scheme gone terribly wrong? None other than J R Bookwalter, the writer, producer, director, and editor behind Street Zombies. This movie was Bookwalter's labor of love. It's so sad to see a feature length movie that is such a strong testament to one man's ineptitude at creating art. According to the back of the DVD cover, Bookwalter also directed such unappreciated gems as Witchouse 2 and The Dead Next Door. I can't wait for the chance to witness those abominations as well.