ANALOG MEDIUM FEBRUARY 2007

ANALOG MEDIUM FEBRUARY 2007

The Encyclopedia Zombica Universal Zombie Movie Rating System
Biocircuitry - Photography by Maxwell Rygiol
Blast Into Combat With Analog Medium
The Analog Medium Office - February 2007
Analog Medium Offices February 2007

Make Your Own NES Cartridge
ZOMBIES!!! The Board Game
Robot Bastard! by Rob Schrab
The Return and End of S.C.U.D. The Disposable Assassin
Grindhouse (2007) Trailer
Aqua Teen Hunger Force (ATHF): The Movie Trailer

28 Days Later (2002)
Pet Sematary II (1992)
Lord of the Flies (1990)
Pet Sematary (1989)
Zombie 4: After Death (1988)
The Transformers: The Movie (1986)
Demons 2 aka Demoni 2 (1986)
Demoni aka Demons (1985)
Night of the Comet (1984)
Alone in the Dark (1982)
Nightmare City (1980)
I Spit on Your Grave aka Day of the Woman (1978)
House on Haunted Hill (1958 and 1999) Double Feature Review

Captain Skyhawk (NES 1990) Review
Adventures of Lolo (NES 1989) Game Genie Codes
Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (NES 1989) Game Genie Codes

The Analog Medium Office - February 2007

Biocircuitry - Photography by Maxwell Rygiol

The Biocircuitry Project Flickr set by Maxwell Rygiol

Max is working on a color photography project featuring surrealistic landscapes created with closeups of printed circuit boards. He imagines them as landscapes and arial shots of futuristic cities. That's what I see too, definitely. You can check out the Biocircuitry Flickr set (with 64 images from the project), or the article on Max's photo blog with some of the photos. I can't wait to see the finished product.

Make Your Own NES Cartridge

A guy named Cory Arcangel took a Super Mario Bros. NES cartridge and erased everything except the clouds scrolling by. You might say, "Who gives a fuck about clouds?" But then you would be stupid. The idea is that you can modify the hard-wired programming into virtually anything you want. I'm not a big enough nerd to figure out how to make something cool. I AM a big enough nerd to try to duplicate his results. He has a very complete write-up of the project on his Cory's Web LOG. I'm going to make sure to print out a hard copy for my project binder.
(via Hack a Day)

ZOMBIES!!! The Board Game

We got this great board game at the comic shop recently. It's just our kind of game. ZOMBIES!!! by Twilight Creations is just as good as it sounds. You play as a survivor trying to kill enough zombies or reach a helicopter. The point of the game becomes to screw over the competing survivors with event cards. It's pretty simple to play, and the game board is made up of tiles, so the board is different every time you play. Even cooler is that there's several expansion packs that can expand your game, as the name would suggest.



We've played a couple times now. Master Kush (right) won both games somehow. Bastard. The second game, The Silver Screen Kid and I tried to gang up on him, but he got lucky and got to the helicopter in time. We want to get the expansion packs and play a mega zombie game. Mega.

Adventures of Lolo (NES 1989) Game Genie Codes

Adventures of Lolo is one of those puzzle/strategy games that makes my brain lock up like a Buick in the snow. I've never beaten it. I don't intend to, either. But if you decide you must defeat the game, I've got got some codes to help you. You might also be interested in watching an Adventures of Lolo speedrun recorded from an emulator that I found on Internet Archive. I haven't watched it yet, but I can imagine how it goes. If you really want to finish the game, a speedrun might be just the right kind of walkthrough to help you.

Game Genie Codes:
SXOPSPVG - Infinite lives
PEKPOAIA - 1 life
PEKPOAIE - 9 lives

The Encyclopedia Zombica Universal Zombie Movie Rating System

In order to supplement the information contained in the Encyclopedia Zombica, our list in-progress of every zombie movie ever made, we've created a rating system. It's super-scientifically extrapolated from atomic cosmic transmissions. Instead of a simple 1-10 scale, like some stupid Olympic figure skaters' 9.5-9.9s, we've opted for a more sophisticated points system. Each point is awarded based on the fulfilment of our super-scientific criteria.

1. Headshot/Annihilation - Must the zombies be killed by headshot or full-body annihilation? Give the movie a point.
2. Dialogue - Is the dialogue snappy? Give the movie a point.
3. Believable Monsters - Suspension of disbelief isn't necessary, but it sure helps.
4. Humor - Comic relief is good in even the gravest situations. The best movies get this point.
5. Gore/VFX - You can't have a great zombie movie without good gore.
6. Setting - Interesting or original settings make a big difference when it comes to maintaining attention spans.
7. Body Count Ratio - Lots of people AND zombies need to die. Otherwise, what's the point of it all?
8. Creative Violence - Headshots and evisceration are cliche at this point.
9. Wild Card - This point is for something special or something that makes us cheer out loud
10. Overall - This point is simply for whether we liked the movie or not.

For Example:
Night of the Living Dead (1968)
+1 Headshots/Annihilation - Yes (headshots)
+0 Dialogue - No
+1 Believable Monsters - Yes
+0 Humor - No
+1 Gore/VFX - Yes (does a lot with a little)
+1 Setting - Yes
+1 Body Count Ratio - Yes (everyone dies)
+1 Creative Violence - Yes (zombie girl trowels mother in the basement)
+1 Wild Card - Yes (early and influential)
+1 Overall - Yes
8 points for Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Look forward to the Encyclopedia Zombica Universal Zombie Movie Rating System in the upcoming Encyclopedia Zombica 2.0.

Zombie 4: After Death (1988) Review

One might wonder what would be more entertaining: watching Zombie 4: After Death, or eating a steaming pile of donkey dung. One might wonder, but I know already. Eating a steaming pile of donkey dung would be much more exciting, and probably healthier for you. Just to clarify, Zombie 4 has almost nothing to do with Zombie 3. Just like Zombie 3 had nothing to do with Zombie 2. Just like Zombie 2 wasn’t even made in the same country as the first film to bear the name. The story goes that when Lucio Fulci, the Italian zombie-maestro, was working on a zombie flick in Italy, the original Dawn of the Dead was released over there under the name Zombi. To capitalize on its success, Fulci’s producers named his movie Zombi 2. Not that it was a sequel or anything. It just had a 2 on the end. Zombi 3 came later and, even though Fulci was involved for a time, the story had pretty much nothing to do with Zombi 2. Zombi 4 actually relates to Zombi 3 more than any of the others did. Too bad the first two movies were so much better.



The only way I could sit through this stinker was thanks to high-octane coffee and some mindless tasks I had to perform at 3 AM. Mindless is the perfect state to be in to watch this crap. If I hadn’t been doing something else that occupied a percentage of my brain function, I think my whole nervous system would have gone into shock. If you know anything about me, you know I like bad movies. But there’s bad, and then there’s bad, and then there’s this. The whole thing felt like a sixth-grader got his hands on a 16mm camera and went into the woods to play zombies with his friends. It all was filmed with a B-porno aesthetic, and the zombies were pretty much people with black rags strewn about their body and some flesh latex caked on for scars. Extremely booty.

If you don’t believe that a movie named Zombie 4 could suck so bad, just check out the following dialogue that I transcribed directly from the movie:

Girl: “Aren’t you frightened?”
Guy: “Sure, it’s only natural to feel frightened. It’s fear that saves your life when you’re fighting, waiting for Charlie to drop out of a tree at night. Those are the times that really count for something in a man’s life. When you discover if you’ve got balls or not.”
Girl: “And you do?”
Guy: “I found out one thing. When a man’s afraid he’s gonna die, there’s nothing he wants more than a woman at his side. And I want you.”

That’s right, it’s that bad.

Demons 2 aka Demoni 2 (1986) Review

I like to think of Demons 2 as Demons Again. It’s the same damn movie. Same plot, same actors, different setting, different characters. Which isn’t really a bad thing. If you read the A.M. review for Demons, or saw it, you know that the Demons series is strong in gore, weak in any superfluous story. Which is just how I like ‘em. Make some zombies, kill some zombies, finish the movie. Both Dario Argento (the producer) and Lamberto Bava (the director) understood this perfectly when making these classics. They spent time and labor on make-up, prosthetics, and violence. Give the people what they want!

Where Demons takes place in a movie theatre, with a movie that turns people into zombie demons, Demons 2 takes place in an apartment building. With a movie that turns people into zombies. As the set-up progresses, you see the various tenants of said apartment building living out their normal everyday lives until a horror movie comes on TV. Many stop to watch. One gets infected. All the rest feel her pain. The second act is by far the best, after the demon zombies have been unleashed and everything decays into zombie-fueled hysteria. Explosions and stabbings play an integral part in the second act. Zombiism spreads quickly, my friends.



The most hilariously low-budget aspect of Demons 2 is the reappearance of many of the actors that populated the first film. Now their characters have different names, but they have the same personalities. The pimp character from Demons returns, but this time he’s a personal trainer at a randomly placed gym in the apartment building. He doesn’t have the same suit or jewelry, but the pimp attitude remains. As the average sheep-brained survivor starts to panic, he stays cool as hell. There are some memorable moments of him and his crew barricading the parking garage by crashing cars and constructing makeshift molative cocktails. I liked Demons 2 just as much as the original until the final act. The original had a dirt bike and a samurai sword. This one just had a cheesy, contrived getaway. When all was said and done, though, I was not sorry for having watched it. Good times.

The Transformers: The Movie (1986) Review

I just want to go on record saying Transformers: The Movie is the best damn movie ever made. Period. Nothing that has come before or after can match the scope, depth, diversity, raw drama, and struggle depicted by the artists and voice actors that labored for two years on this masterpiece. It’s beyond your imagination. It’s as if the creative geniuses behind the scenes got together and said, “How can we make the most amazingly brain-staining action adventure that will blow kids’ minds away?” Then, when they got to the storyboards they were like, “Sure, this is super amazingly awesome, but how can we make it even more incredibly awesome? I know, how about a Transformer that eats planets? Let’s get Orson Welles to do the voice.” Bickity-bam, creative explosion.



Orson Welles, once a boy genius himself, was in the twilight of his career when Transformers came around. He must have been a fan to agree to play Unicron. Who wasn’t a fan of Transformers? Who isn’t still??? The passion and peril displayed in both the show and the movie blows away any and all drama. Shakespeare would have been proud to work on it. Homer would have heralded its song. What kid, when sitting down to watch it, wouldn’t instantly understand that Megatron fights for the side of evil, and Optimus Prime fights for justice. What parent wouldn’t be impressed by the artwork, the conceptual design, and the sheer magnitude of it all? Whole planets fall victim to the Transformers epic struggle, all for the sake of Cybertron.



When I decided to write this article I thought I might need to reach new depths of depravity to research the creative process that went into making it. Then I realized that it doesn’t really matter who worked on the movie or what they went on to do afterward. It doesn’t matter because anyone who worked on it can die happy knowing that they contributed to Transformers: The Movie. I sincerely hope the people working on the live-action version (Steven Spielberg, Michael Bay, etc) will be able to say the same thing when their movie premieres later this year. Remember, Spielberg, Remember, Bay: myself and millions of other fans like me are going to be watching with an ultimately discerning eye that has been honed by decades of dedication to these amazing transforming heroes. Don’t fuck it up.

Captain Skyhawk (NES 1990) Review

Before there was Starfox, there was… Skyhawk! This game rocks my socks off, and it’ll rock yours off as well. Talk about highway to the danger zone!

Lots of people think that every NES game had crappy block figures jumping up and down with 4 color ghosts chasing them. Some NES games had amazing, brain-splitting graphics. Captain Skyhawk is definitely one of them. This cartridge has full 3-D graphics and full up/down and left/right range of motion. Kick ass.

The game play is wizard, too. My favorite NES games are the ones with super quick response time, like Super Mario Bros. When you mash the controller playing Captain Skyhawk, you feel the effects of that mashing. Whether you still rock the original console or you have yourself an NES USB controller set like the Analog Medium cave dwellers, do yourself a favor and pick this game up.

Blast Into Combat With Analog Medium

Robot Bastard! by Rob Schrab

Do yourself a favor and go watch Robot Bastard! right now. It's free, it's about 15 minutes or so, and you can download it straight off their website. I recommend the DIVX version.

If you don't know (and I didn't until I read about it), Robot Bastard! is a short film created by Rob Schrab (SCUD The Disposable Assassin). It's all done with models, prosthetics, stop-motion animation, computer animation, and some awesome props and sets. It basically blew my mind. I've watched it about 6 times since I downloaded it on Saturday.



It is savage too. Lots of green ichor spraying, lots of headshots, lots of gratuitous violence. The sets and costumes are all made out of old toys, found cardboard, and what looks like tempera paint. Very surrealistic. While I was looking at Rob Schrab's videos on YouTube, I saw the Robot Bastard! trailer which I've embedded on Analog Medium for everyone to get hype off of. Another interesting fact that I learned on Schrab's webpage is that he's involved in directing parts of The Sarah Silverman Program on Comedy Central.

Demoni aka Demons (1985) Review

Demoni (or Demons to you and I) is widely regarded as one of the best Italian horror film of all time. Although there are plenty of Italian masterpieces that I like more, I’d have to agree. Demoni definitely ranks somewhere in the top 10. What could make a movie so sick, you ask? Think of it like this, this is the only movie I know that features all of the following: zombies, a cinema, an afro pimp, his hookers, naked boobs, cocaine, torn open throats, a samurai sword, a dirt bike, a crashed helicopter, Billy Idol, and a blind guy who gets his eyes torn out (can you say overkill?) Leave it to Dario Argento, the master of Italian horror, to conceive such a film.

Lamberto Bava, son of Mario Bava (Bay of Blood), directed this beautiful piece of art. The story goes that Lamberto had been working for Argento as an assistant director and Argento agreed to produce a movie expressly for Lamberto to direct. Argento came up with the story, put together the right people (including Michele Saovi who went on to direct Cemetery Man) , and handed it to Lamberto. And Lamberto ran it in for a touch down. Booyah. I have special sense of pride knowing that this triumph was released the same year that I was born (1985). A lot of good things were made that year.



You might think that being made in the 80’s, in Berlin, by an Italian crew, Demoni might have a limited appeal. It’s quite the opposite. Watching the movie for the first time last night, I guarantee I enjoyed it just as much as anyone who watched it in ’85 (maybe more). And I guarantee you’ll enjoy just as much as I did (guarantee void in 50 states). There is a near limitless amount of memorable stuff that happens in this flick. Almost too much to go into. I will say, however, that you’ll never feel the same in a movie theatre again after watching it. Demoni pwns. Watch your ass.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (NES 1989) Game Genie Codes

Who Framed Roger Rabbit? is one of my favorite NES games. It's still entertaining now. It's mostly an action/adventure game, like the old Lucas Arts adventure games, but it has some elements of a mystery story in place too. Just like the movie. Here's some Game Genie codes to help you complete the game before your ADD kicks in.

PESSSYLA - 1 life
TESSSYLA - 6 lives
PESSSYLE - 9 lives
SXVOYIVG - Never lose a life except in Punch lines
SZSZXYVG - Never lose a life in Punch lines
SXKELNVK - Infinite continues
PAUKXTGA - Harder to build strength
EPUKXTGA - Full strength instantly

Grindhouse (2007) Trailer

Late last year Analog Medium brought some late breaking news about an epic Rodriguez/Tarantino collaboration in the works. You loyal A.M. droogs out there may already know that there is a hot Grindhouse trailer out there on the interweb. We've got the Grindhouse trailer here on Analog Medium for you.

You may have noticed the article below in which BigKilla was hyping up the ATHF trailer. Along with these two gems, there's a veritable cornocopia of sick shit coming to theatres this year. 2007 will harken the coming of The Simpsons, Transformers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, 300, and so much more. All loyal droogs, your homework is to go forth and watch them trailers. It's a good time to be alive.

The Return and End of S.C.U.D. The Disposable Assassin

I was cruising around YouTube when HypnoToad pointed me at the profile of THE Rob Schrab, creator of S.C.U.D. The Disposable Assassin. SCUD was one of the best comics of all time, and a huge cult classic. How huge? The trade paperbacks of the series are worth $50-$100 to collectors, last time I tried to buy one. On Mr. Schrab's profile, he's got some great videos including a vlog of himself working on issue 21. In his comments he says he's trying to get the comic out for comic con. That's all there is to it, I'm fucking going.

SCUD is back, but probably only for the one last issue. It tears me up inside, really. I think Max has issues 5-20 and 3 out of the 4 trades. It would be just dreamy to complete more of that set. We can only hope that a deal to make #21 might include a deal on reprints of the trades.

If you're not familiar with the story of S.C.U.D. The Disposable Assassin, check out this claymation fan film by Geoff Weber about the origin of SCUD.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force (ATHF): The Movie Trailer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6EPjnQEZWs



Back in March 2006 it was announced that the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie would be out by Fall 2006. Here it is, the middle of Winter 2007 and I'm still not seeing the ATHF movie in theaters. The weird news is that no one really knows when it's coming out (at least from what I can tell). The good news is that there's a trailer. We're posting it right here for ya, on the item page for this article. One thing I noticed that I didn't realize or had forgotten is that Phil Collins will be providing music for the film, along with Schooly D.

Click here and watch the video

House on Haunted Hill (1958 and 1999) Double Feature Review

House on Haunted Hill, both the original and the remake, are perfect representatives of what was popular in horror when they were made. When viewed in succession, they provide a textbook example of what has changed in the genre, as well what has happened to low-budget horror. Basically, low budget horror has ceased to exist. At least for mainstream audiences. House on Haunted Hill (1958) was made on a shoestring budget. You could literally see the strings. House on Haunted Hill (1999) was made for about 20 million big ones. If anyone had proposed a 20 million dollar horror movie back in 1958, they’d have gotten run out of Hollywood. So, assuming that a bigger budget means a better movie, and taking into account the advances in special effects over forty years, it stands to reason that the 1999 version should be the better movie. Of course, reason doesn’t go very far when you’re talking about horror.

The folks at Dark Castle (Robert Zemeckis and Joel Silver) committed the same folly that so many modern filmmakers commit when trying to tackle horror. Time and time again I hear someone say something to the effect of “modern audiences have grown accustomed to better special effects.” Improving the special effects doesn’t mean that you should spend less time on story and character, though! The $20 million that went into all the fancy CG effects in the 1999 version still don’t hold a candle to the stark black and white imagery and low-key lighting of the original. Robert Castle, the producer/director of the original, did more than any team of FX wizards could do just by dangling a skeleton from some fishing line. Another thing that Castle understood was audiences need to be engrossed in the horror for suspension of disbelief to take hold. From the first minute of House on Haunted Hill (1958) the characters address the audience, pulling you into the story and orienting you in the plot. Castle even went so far as to rig movie theatres with elaborate pulley systems that would swing a skeleton out over the audience at the climax of the film. Now that’s classy.



Also, I like Geoffrey Rush and everything, but he’s no Vincent Price. Everything Price lent his name to is gold in my book. Just to name a few, Vincent Price was intimately involved in House of Wax, The Fly, The Last Man on Earth, Edward Scissorhands, and Michael Jackson’s Thriller (you thought the voice of the narrator sounded familiar, didn’t you?) The guy was a freakin’ genius, and he understood horror. Price once said, “I sometimes feel that I'm impersonating the dark unconscious of the whole human race. I know this sounds sick, but I love it.” I love it too, man. In a totally hetero way. Anyway, I was watching the special features and someone mentioned that Rush modeled the portrayal of his character more off of the personality of filmmaker John Waters than off of Price himself. I think that’s just insulting. If you’re following in the footsteps of the masters, at least have the decency to show them the respect they deserve.



All ranting aside, House on Haunted Hill (1999) wasn’t a terrible movie. Jeffrey Combs shines, as always, in his small part as the former head doctor of the insane asylum that was once operated out of the titular house. Combs did more with a look and a smile than Taye Diggs did with 50 pages of dialogue. And I have to admit, some of the FX were pretty cool, especially for 1999 (that was 8 years ago already!) I liked some of the freak-outs and hallucinations, but the “darkness” effect at the end bugged me. It was like they didn’t know what to make the ghostly presence look like, so they made it an amorphous black blob. Give me a skeleton on strings any day. It’s also disappointing that the new version failed to improve upon the original. There were certain aspects of the 1958 original that could easily and effectively been updated or improved, like the ending. Unfortunately, everytime the 1999 version tried to do so it just made me want to watch the original that much more. In the end it comes down to this: don’t remake horror movies! Think up something new. But please, try to make it classy. Movie goers need to be treated like adults.

Lord of the Flies (1990) Review

Lord of the Flies has been one of my favorite books since highschool. I always knew there was a film adaptation of the book, but I had never seen it. I had always thought that the only version was made back in the 60's. But in 1990 there was this great film adaptation. I guess the reason we didn't watch it in highschool was the R rating. What a waste. I thought the film adaptation of Lord of the Flies did a great job of handling the concepts that the book put forth. One thing was conspicuously missing though. The Lord of the Flies himself. I mean, they had the pig head on the stake, but it just wasn't the same. I was watching and waiting, but the head just wouldn't do what I was hoping it would be able to with the visual effects available in 1990.

If you're not familiar with the book, one of the characters has a vision of the severed pigs head speaking and moving. In the book, the pig's head reveals himself in the vision as Beezelbub, The Lord of the Flies. If it wasn't already obvious after finishing the book, the vision exposes the movie as a biblical allegory about human nature. That came through well in the movie, though I imagine if one hadn't read the book they might not grasp at that concept in the movie. The talking demonic pig's head really removes the need for a sense of subtlety.



The movie was much more subtle in some ways. In other ways, such as the interaction between the children, the film was much less subtle than the book. I blame that on the dynamic between child actors. That being said, I thought that the children who acted in the film were great. They totally had me believing they were stuck on an island. The film was so engaging, I couldn't focus on the two other things I was trying to do while watching the movie. I would say this is a must-see movie, but I would add the disclaimer that if you haven't read the book and the criticisms of the book, you might not get as much out of the movie as having read the book. Some critics have talked shit in the meantime, since this film came out. But who listens to Eggbert anyway?

28 Days Later (2002) Review

Hmmm… let’s see how many zombie movie clichÈs we can list. Stock news footage of society’s break down… check. Deserted metropolitan streets… check. Stories of lost loved ones… check. Radio broadcast meant to rally survivors… check. Shopping montage with happy-go-lucky music… check. Zombie child that gets mowed down by bullets… big check on that one. Am I describing countless zombie flicks from yesteryear? Or am I describing 28 Days Later? Both! To all the people out there that liked this movie enough to contribute to the 80-something million dollars in made in theatres worldwide, I hate to break it to you, but it’s all been done. There was nothing new or impressive about this movie.

Am I wrong, or are zombie movies supposed to be exciting? The makers of this one decided it would be a good idea to include about 5 zombie attacks in the whole thing and fill the rest of the downtime with watery unimaginative dialogue. Ooh, let’s not lose our humanity in the midst of this crisis! We still have each other! Give me a break. There wasn’t a single character that I was interested in, not a single plot turn that was surprising or impressive. The end sucked too. I watched all 3 of the alternate endings on the DVD and they all sucked too, which proves that the writer never had a clear idea of how to end the film.



Some people like to claim that the creatures in 28 Days Later aren’t zombies because they’re not living dead. They’re living humans infected with the Rage virus. You say tomato, I say potato. They’re freakin’ zombies alright. What’s hilarious to me is that this movie has the fastest moving zombies ever, but manages to be nearly the slowest movie out of the genre. With the major exception of Revolt of the Zombies, but that was from the 1930s. Modern audiences (myself included) demand satisfaction. This movie just didn’t deliver. And somehow I don’t think the sequel will either. 28 Weeks Later is slated to come out this year, on my birthday, of all days. I think I’d rather get drunk that day. I’ll probably retain more brain cells than going to watch the sequel to this stinker.

Alone in the Dark (1982) Review

Holy Shit. Alone in the Dark is one of the sickest movies I’ve never heard of. I only found out about it from reading Asmo’s review of the 2005 movie called Alone in the Dark, which was based on the video game. After reading it, I hit up the IMDb and noticed that a 1982 movie with the same name popped up in the search results. The synopsis read as follows: “Thanks to a major power cut, a gang of psychopaths breaks out of the Haven maximum security mental institute in order to lay siege to the psychiatrists who have tormented them over the years with their bizarre theories...” I had to see it. Then it turned out that, among others, the cast included Jack Palance, Martin Landau, and Donald Pleasance. That spells gold, baby.



Not only was I not disappointed, I was blown away. Amazing acting, great writing, perfect atmosphere and mood setting. For lack of a better term, I might describe the 1982 Alone in the Dark as a thriller/slasher. Jack Palance and Martin Landau, along with a couple other loonies, break out of a maximum-security ward of an insane asylum when a black out cripples the city. The four freak jobs tear through the locals on a quest to kill the new doctor from the hospital they were interned at. The doctor was expertly portrayed by the same guy who played Reginald Barclay on Star Trek TNG. To top it all off, I noticed while watching the credits that Tom Savini (Dawn of the Dead, Nightmare on Elm Street, etc, etc) was called in to create one creature that appears in a hallucination.



There were some kick-ass memorable characters, too. Donald Pleasance (Dr. Loomis from the Halloween movies) plays the eccentric head doctor at the nut house. In one scene he pulls out a peace pipe and asks Barclay if he minds if he smokes. Barclay says no, if he feels he has to, to which he replies, “I don’t have to, I want to.” He then pulls out a nug and remarks, “Oregon Sinsemilla. It’s a good herb.” None of the characters could beat Jack Palance’s, the psychotic colonel. There are countless schizo tirades that would make great samples for songs, including, “I’m here because I enjoy the social life. There’s no crazy people, Doctor. We’re all just on vacation.” I would hate to meet the person who doesn’t dig this flick.

Nightmare City (1980) Review

aka Incubo sulla città contaminata

These zombies ain’t your average living dead. I feel that before diving into this review that I should warn everyone that it contains multiple spoilers. Usually I don’t bother even mentioning that and assume that it is implied. However, the little enjoyment I got out of watching Nightmare City came from the surprising treatment of those lovable ghouls known to you and me as zombies. They jump, run, use weapons, fire guns, handle complex machinery, and even fight as an organized invading force. Wicked. If there were hoards of living dead coming after me I’d much prefer them to be of the Romero or Fulci breed, rather than these high powered freaks firing machine guns and choking folks with chains.



There are some great aspects of this movie. The set-up is ridiculously awesome. A plane contaminated by a nuclear spill at a power plant lands and unleashes a crew hardcore weapon swinging rotters. They then proceed to infect and invade, all the while feeding on their fallen victims. There’s an admirable attempt to scientifically explain the cause if the zombiism as well (radiation deteriorates red blood cells which forces them to constantly feed on fresh blood). Plus there’s some rock and roll head shots. Besides all that, Nightmare City is pretty much a poorly made, cheap ass zombie flick… with a twist. In fact, I’m willing to bet that this was the first film to feature fast moving zombies (a trend that I could personally do without.) There were some totally unnecessary scenes thrown into the plot that really bugged the piss out of me, but the crowning moment in stupidity came at the end. The main character actually wakes up from a nightmare. It was all a dream! Just like the end of Super Mario Brothers 2…



Umberto Lenzi was the mad man behind this and many other cheap horror thrillers. I’ve yet to watch it, but Lenzi was responsible for making a little film called Cannibal Ferox, also known as Make Them Die Slowly (which also happens to be the title of the first White Zombie album). From what I can tell, Cannibal Ferox is yet another insufferable and offensive cannibal flick for people who like gore with no backbone. I’m all for gore, but not when it doesn’t have the proper motivation and the right artistic sensibility. Lenzi himself admitted that his two cannibal films, Cannibal Ferox and Eaten Alive, were done simply to make a living with a degree of cold disassociation. I don’t how much I believe that, but anyone who made Nightmare City can’t be too concerned with sacrificing his artistic integrity to make a buck.

Analog Medium Offices February 2007

A view of the Analog Medium office

The first person to identify the film on the screen and leave a comment with the title of the film will win a prize. What prize you ask? A bunch of crap from the Analog Medium Archives, of course, plus a bunch of free stickers. If you win, we'll have you email us with your mailing address so we can send you some stuff.

I Spit on Your Grave aka Day of the Woman (1978) Review

Rape is a vile and disgusting act of violence, and any mention of it in popular culture that doesn’t serve to promote broader cultural understanding of this reprehensible practice should be stricken from the record. Day of the Woman, as it was originally released, parades itself as a movie that empowers the victim of a brutal rape when she decides to take revenge on the four men who violated her. In reality, the victim portrayed by Camille Keaton is so ineptly conceived that the film only serves to perpetuate popular myths surrounding the subject. At the outset, the visuals and dialogue suggest that Keaton’s character was “asking for it.” Right down to the scene where she confronts the man who first raped her, when he says something to the effect of, “you were walking around in front of me, showing off those sexy legs. Any man in my position would have done the same thing.” I almost puked right there. This is the single worst movie I’ve ever seen. I had already come to that conclusion when I read reviews by Siskel and Ebert, respectively, in which Siskel called it the worst movie he’d seen in his 11 years as a reviewer and Ebert called it a “vile bag of garbage.” The two of them managed to get the original release pulled from theatres after six days. Unfortunately, things like banning and censorship translate to some people as a business opportunity. The full un-cut version still exists out there with all its ignorance, vileness, and deplorable use of the film medium. To Meir Zarchi, the writer/director/producer/editor of this travesty I have a proposal for a little movie of my own. It’s called “I Spit In Your Face.”

Night of the Comet (1984) Review

I have a certain affinity for anything made in or around my birth year, 1985. It was the time of Nintendo, Atari, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Transformers. Night of the Comet falls right into that category. Alas, I didn’t know about this gem until late last year. It first came to my attention when a colleague recommended it based on his memory of it from when he was eight. I had to see it. Zombies, cheerleaders, guns, the 80s. That’s all I knew, and it was enough to go on a quest for it. Incredibly, no one has bothered to release it on DVD as of yet. According to my sources, it’s set to be released in the digital realm on March 6th, 2007. I can’t friggin wait. To bide my time I found a long forgotten torrent with one seed and patiently downloaded a VCD rip, probably taken from some ancient VHS copy. Kids, don’t try that at home.



If there was ever a script that deserved a bigger budget than it got, it was Night of the Comet. The dialogue is kick-ass, the plot turns make your head spin, the characters are outrageous, and it is steeped in 80s pop culture. Kick ass all around. The picture starts with the lead, Reggie (a big haired 80s chick), working at a movie theatre where she plays arcade games and screws the projectionist. We jump into the plot on the night a comet is set to pass by the Earth (not unlike Halley’s comet that passed by in 1986). Little do us silly humans know, the radiation from the comet has the power to disintegrate millions of people and turn the rest into zombies. The only survivors are a handful of ridiculously mismatched byproducts of the 1980s, including big-haired Reggie, her half-sister the cheerleader, and a well natured trucker played by Robert Beltran.

I won’t even go into the gritty details of the plot; they’re too delicious to put into words. Take my advice and go out there and get a copy of this flick. Whether it be on VHS or the long-awaited DVD version. You won’t be disappointed. If you want to find out more in the mean time you should check out this intense fan site I found while doing a little research: www.nightofthecomet.info. It goes so far as to offer pictures of the locations they filmed scenes in so you can see how they look today. That’s web 2.0 baby, takin' over.

Pet Sematary II (1992) Review

Everything that the first Pet Sematary was missing, Pet Sematary 2 delivers in full. And more. This is a perfect example of one of those fluke occurrences where the sequel outshines the original by far. I think most of the credit should go to the writer. Somehow Richard Outten, a random WGA screenwriter, managed out-write Stephen King, the supposed modern master of horror. I have a feeling that King was too close to the original project, too involved in the thought process that went into writing the Pet Sematary novel, to realize that he was making a crap fest. Pet Sematary 2 elicits all of the seedy emotions that the first movie failed to evoke in the audience. When the fat kid buries his dead dog, you feel Fatty’s pain. When the abusive step father, masterfully portrayed by Clancy Brown (The Kurgan from Highlander), gets pwned by Fatty’s zombie dog, you break out cheering (at least I did). There are tons of memorable moments involving zombies, zombie-animals, and variations there-of.

The one aspect of the movie that irked me was the acting by the punk ass kid from T2, Edward Furlong. I didn’t believe him as a maladjusted miscreant for a second, and that’s exactly what he is in real life! In both T2 and Pet Sematary 2 he plays a moody brooding teen that hates life for the hand that it has dealt him. Somehow he managed to act a lot more convincingly in American History X, in which he played a moody brooding teen that hates life for the hand that it has dealt him. Besides Furlong, the acting is solid throughout. The above-mentioned fat kid was one of the best child actors I’ve ever seen. I love the idea that he’s happier at home after his step dad comes back as a zombie. That’s some fucked up home life if you’re happier cleaning up mashed potatoes oozing from your zombie-step-dad’s gaping neck wound.



This movie also boasts a plethora of impressive deaths. There’s the unforgettable zombie dog gouging out Clancy Brown’s throat. Then there’s the school bully who gets his face run through by his own dirt bike. And even the zombie version of the school bully goes out like a champ, when a live power cable electrocutes him until his head explodes. You gotta love zombie heads exploding. There’s just nothing else like it. Having watched both the Pet Sematary movies as a lad I remember liking the sequel better, but I had no idea how much better it was. You can imagine my disgust when I went to IMDb and the average user rating was 3.8 out of 10. C’mon, people. How can you say no to watching The Kurgan break the necks of live rabbits and peel their skin off with his bare hands?

Pet Sematary (1989) Review

As I was adding Stephen King’s Pet Sematary to my Netflix queue I became a bit nostalgic. I couldn’t help but think about the handful of times I watched it and enjoyed it as a wee lad. It was probably the first zombie movie that I was ever really a fan of. However, time and time again, I find that re-watching a movie nearly a decade later always results in a very different viewing experience. Watching the movie this time, I couldn’t help but think about what a bad actor Tasha Yar was. That’s right, Tasha Yar from Star Trek TNG was a major player in this unfortunate Stephen King adaptation. I say unfortunate because, watching it with the benefit of 21 years of movie watching experience, I realized that this movie is pretty sucky. It’s also unfortunate that this is the first script that King himself adapted from his own novel. The writing falls short of being either believable or scary.



For those that aren’t in the know, Pet Sematary (the book and the movie) is about a family that moves into rural Maine, right next to an Indian burial ground that brings the dead back to life. It starts out innocently enough, a dad buries his kid’s dead cat in hopes it will come back to life and save the kid from having to learn about death at an early age. Then all hell breaks loose. The story has so much potential, yet there wasn’t a second of the movie that managed to suspend my disbelief. I guess as a child I didn’t notice little things like bad acting and horrible New England accents. All I knew as a kid was that a baby getting hit by a semi was pretty hardcore. The movie definitely had its moments, but they were few and far between. Like the flashbacks to Tasha Yar’s dead sister who suffered from spinal meningitis were pretty freaky. Unfortunately none of the scary stuff centered around zombies. So where did this movie go wrong?



For starters, whoever was putting together this project settled on Mary Lambert as the director. Lambert is probably best known for her direction on Madonna’s “Material Girl” music video. Hand her some amateur actors and watch her fall flat on her face. According to wikipedia, George A Romero was in talks to direct the movie but didn’t come through due to “unforeseen circumstances.” Knowing how King and Romero work together, I bet it would have been a lot better had he not been busy sun bathing nude on a beach somewhere. Tom Savini also turned down the director’s seat, which was probably a good choice. This flick wasn’t launching anyone’s careers. The most outrageous bit of trivia I pulled off of good-ol wikipedia was that Bruce Campbell was the first choice to play the lead role. I would have loved to see Bruce, chin and everything, cradling his dead son next to the grave he just dug him out of. Still, though, it’s probably good that none of these talented people wasted their time on Pet Sematary. Cause that’s what it is, for the most part. A waste of time.